I've just heard that Mitt Romney has joined the race to become the next US President.

Well, he really does sound like my kinda guy, because he is for all the right things...

FOR lowering taxes, because taxes are actually a kind of punishment inflicted unfairly on those least deserving - the good businessmen, or, if you must, women, who by their own hard work manage to make a buck;
FOR removing hand-outs to the poor because giving aid through these so-called social programmes actually removes any incentive they may have to climb out of their sink of wretchedness and realise the American dream;
FOR a strong military, so that, while continuing (alright, there are some localised difficulties) to introduce democracy in Iraq, Iran can also be reduced to a pile of rubble.

And he is against all the wrong things:

AGAINST gay marriage (obviously - durrr! - I mean, what next?),
AGAINST gun control in any meaningful form, because when you look at it, most of the people who get hit kind of deserve it, don't they?
AGAINST the distribution of condoms in the third world because it encourages people to have sex when they should be doing the right thing and abstaining until they find a partner, in marriage, with whom they can be faithful, and frankly, if they go ahead and do it anyway and then find they've got HIV then, you know, they kind of actually deserve it, and it's God's way, I may as well come right out and say it, of saying I told you so.
AGAINST stem cell research, because, although they say all they're doing is scraping together a few undifferentiated cells that really don't know what they are yet and are not more than four days old, that doesn't fool us because we know what they're really doing is killing babies. And by the way, we always call it EMBRYONIC stem cell research so that people will have the image of a baby floating around in amniotic fluid...

And, yes, I think we can overlook the fact that, as a Mormon, Mitt's religious views include the certainty that a first century palestinian carpenter was magically transported, by way of a re- fuelling pitstop in Zurich or Rekjavik or somewhere, by archangels with cherub outriders, so that he could re-appear in a field somewhere in Utah, and hand over some tablets to some one, who then goes and loses them, but it's okay because, although this man he gave the tablets to is a notorious liar, he can remember what was on them.
Yes, we should overlook that and focus on the important thing that it's not WHAT he believes but THAT he believes, and provided he doesn't believe in Islam, which would obviously freak everyone out, it means he's okay.

So on all the litmus test issues, he comes out the right colour.
Blue. And I like the name Mitt. It has a kind of waspish wholesomeness like an aristocratic English habit of calling people by mildly eccentric nursery names. Mitt probably got his because his 'mitts', or gloves, didn't quite fit properly one day and it was just sooo funny and everyone was sooo overcome with mirth and merriment that ever afterwards people called him Mitt. I like the name Romney too, and if I had to put money on it I'd say that it's probably not a Jewish name but, no, I'd say the chances are it's an English name, a bit like Nixon and Ford and Carter and Clinton and Bush, and, you know, it's a good name and a solid English name and you could imagine saying the words 'President Romney's got his mitt on the button'. You'd be comfortable.

I know I would.